You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
