A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize