she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
