I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
