theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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