just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
