I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
