I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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