on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never joke about your clitoris.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
