(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
