Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
