you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
