sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
