'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
