90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
