If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
