I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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