just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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