I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
