Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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