She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
