my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
