you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
