It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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