im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
