My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
