So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
