God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
