took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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