I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
