you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
