She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
