Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
