Soap is not a condiment
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
