When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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