i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
