the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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