Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
