Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
