the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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