at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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