So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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