Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
