dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
