nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We are all done wearing pants today
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
