walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize