Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
