here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
