and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
