I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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