It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
