just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
