That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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