I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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