Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
