Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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