Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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