So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
