he shaved USA in his pubs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
