I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
