Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just had sex on a roof
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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