then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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