love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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