i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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