I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
