lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"