i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
