I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly