I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.