would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
