like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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