I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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