the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
