I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
