We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
