Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I won the penis lottery.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
