seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
