This dress was meant to end up on your floor
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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