I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
