She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You ruined the universe
Randomize
