I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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