And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
