You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
