I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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